I am something of a broken mess. I’ve known this for many years, although some of the reasons for this have only begun to become apparent to me over the last few months. My life-long struggle with depression, repeatedly escalating into debilitating episodes, now has some explanation. I am grateful for that, although the path to find my way out of it is long and currently shows no potential end. I trust that in either this life or the next, my soul will finally be free of the pain and affliction that have tormented me these past 50+ years.

As I was pondering this morning, the words came to me, ‘the things of my soul’. I thought it sounded like Nephi in the Book of Mormon, and a quick search led me to 2 Nephi 4:15 

‘… upon these [plates] I write the things of my soul.… For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them.…’

The things I have written on this blog over the last couple of years have come from the depths of my soul. My feelings echo perfectly those of Nephi, as he continues:

Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard. 

Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord,  in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! 

Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. 

I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.

And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins;

nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. (2 Nephi 4:16-19)

There is a healthy way to look at our fallen natures, our ‘natural man’, our unfortunate inclinations to focus on things that draw us away from God and His Son Jesus Christ. After all, we are God’s children. He loves us sublimely, and no matter what we do, He will always be waiting for us to reach towards Him.

‘For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ (Romans 8:38-39)

But there is also an unhealthy way to see our fallenness. There is a way to look at our ‘natural man’ that alienates us even further from the Lord – or at least will keep us separated from feeling His love no matter how hard we strive. 

I’ve only recently discovered that there are six emotions that humans are born with. They are:

• Joy
• Sadness
• Fear
• Disgust
• Anger
• Surprise

I’ve highlighted three of those, because at least in my experience, these get something of a bad rap in church. After all, ‘Saints can be happy under every circumstance. We can feel joy even while having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year! My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.’ (Russell M Nelson, Joy and Spiritual Survival, October 2016 General Conference) ‘Perfect love casts out fear,’ (1 John 4:18) ‘…whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgement.’ (Matthew 5:22)

Sadness, fear, and anger. All choices, right? All things we should avoid, right? Because they demonstrate an absence of love and faith. If we’re ‘righteous’ we won’t feel them, right?

If you’re like me, these are ideas that I internalised all through my growing up years and have tried to live my life by. The problem is, they’re wrong. Very wrong, and highly damaging. A baby doesn’t choose to be angry or sad – she’s born with those emotions ready to go.

Scriptures need to be understood in terms of context and the original text (e.g. what does the Hebrew or Greek word used actually mean?)¹. President Nelson’s statement may be right in certain situations, but as an absolute, it’s simply wrong – dangerously wrong. Otherwise, Christ Himself wasn’t as perfect as we believe Him to be, because He sorrowed, He wept, He said, ’My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death.’ (Matthew 26:38). He also expressed anger, overturning tables of moneychangers in the temple (see Matthew 21:12). In the Book of Mormon, Captain Moroni gets pretty angry at times, even without cause in one instance, and he’s held up as an example for our emulation (see Alma 48:17).

Remember, God made humankind in His own image – male and female – and declared it ‘very good’ (see Genesis 1:31). That means the emotions that automatically come with these baby bodies we have – including Sadness, Fear and Anger – must also be good. We have them for a reason, and those reasons are healthy. Yes, they can become unhealthy if we twist them, or focus excessively on them, or misunderstand them. But we need them in order for us to function they way we’re supposed to. It’s unhealthy if we suppress them.

The scriptures teach us that we should mourn with those who mourn, not tell those who are mourning to focus on the positive instead. We should comfort those who stand in need of comfort, not tell those needing comfort that they don’t have enough faith (see Mosiah 18:9). The day when tears will be wiped away from all eyes is still to come (see Revelation 21:4).

Research shows that if instead of healthily expressing these emotions we suppress them, feelings of low self-worth and depression often follow in life. That doesn’t mean that one automatically means the other, because life is much more complicated than that, but it can be an important factor.

In my own life, I consciously decided at about age 8 or 9 that I was going to be a ‘good boy’ so that I didn’t cause my parents any pain; then I was abused and suppressed it; then I listened to all the church messages about not feeling angry, or sad, or afraid and internalised it all; then … Well, there was more, but that seems enough. That’s just part of my story. You might struggle with these emotions with a very different life story.

Am I angry now about some of those things? Yes. Am I sad about them? Yes, I am. Can I express it healthily? No, not really, but I’m trying to learn – and writing is one way that helps me.

Why do I make it public? Because these are some of the things of my soul. And I know I’m not alone in feeling this way, and maybe something I say can help someone else. Maybe just a part of my experience can help someone else recognise that it’s okay to feel emotions that God Himself gave us – that God Himself expresses. Maybe it will help someone who has a dogmatic view of these things (due to statements of church leaders) realise that God expects us to be more nuanced than that. Maybe it will help increase compassion.

That’s what I hope anyway.

There is a larger discussion to be had about what ‘the natural man is an enemy to God’ (Mosiah 3:19) means and how we often misinterpret it. But for now, let’s lean into our God-given emotions, learn what they’re trying to tell us, and in so doing try to live more healthily than we sometimes have done in the past.

© Copyright Jeffrey Collyer 2026

1. Please understand I’m not saying those scriptures are wrong. I believe they are scripture to be studied and followed. Taken out of context, however, they can do harm. Perhaps I’ll discuss them in another post some time.